


i still love you (with all the little pieces of my heart)

by playitagain



Series: Mayward Week 2020 [7]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Boys crying because that’s healthy, Broken Bones, Cuts, Future Fic, Hospital, M/M, Pining, Scars, Sobriety, Supportive Heywards, Vomiting, oblivious boys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26931949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playitagain/pseuds/playitagain
Summary: Pope gets an unexpected call that leads him back to JJ after their break up a year and a half ago.
Relationships: JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)
Series: Mayward Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956772
Comments: 16
Kudos: 38





	i still love you (with all the little pieces of my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Mayward Week 2020! 
> 
> Day 7 - October 10th: Free choice
> 
> Just a note: I did next to no research for this fic so I’m sorry if the medial stuff is wrong. It’s fanfiction.

_ “It’s funny how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.”  _

Pope lets out a sigh as he steps onto the bus. It smells like a combination of sweat, urine, and weed and is nearly filled to the brim. The people along the isle are all leaning a little too far in and Pope has to walk sideways and hold his bag at shoulder level to get by. The only seats available are the ones by the bathroom and he scrunches his nose at the smell, plopping down in the nearest seat. 

The little prayer before the ride seemed to work because no one asks him to move over and he’s able to rest his bag on the seat next to him and then rest his head on the bag, eyes tired and wishing for sleep. It doesn’t happen as the bus jolts him around, coming to such a sudden stop a few times he nearly falls onto the floor. 

Needless to say, it is not going to be a pleasant day.

He’s only a few hours into the ride when his phone rings. Pope fishes in his pocket for his phone, frown tugging down his lips when he doesn’t recognize the number. It’s rare to get a call and usually the only people who call him are his parents or Kiara. He thinks about letting it go to voicemail, is sure they would leave a message if it was important, but something in his gut is telling him to answer so he swipes the phone and holds it up to his ear. 

“Hello, this is Pope,” he states, voice cracking a bit awkwardly as he uses it for the first time today. The line is silent for a moment and he can hear a bit of shuffling on the line, papers moving. 

“Good Morning, Mr. Heyward,” the voice says, oddly pleasant. The words have him confused as he tries to figure out who this might be, going through a list of people that would possibly call him Mr. Heyward. He can’t come up with any. “We are calling on Mr. Maybank’s behalf today.” That left Pope even more confused. Who was Mr. Maybank? 

“I’m sorry, but who is this?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed as he shifts to look out the window, folding his leg under him just so he can change positions for a bit. 

“Sorry, it’s The Outer Banks Hospital. It says here that you are John Maybank’s emergency contact.” Pope nearly drops the phone, shock coursing through his system as he tries to process her words. He’s barely heard from JJ for the last year and a half, the most has been second hand information from Kiara, and now she’s telling Pope that he is JJ’s emergency contact. Not to mention the fact that the hospital was calling him. 

“What happened to him?” Pope finally says, because the shock shouldn’t be with emergency contact, but with the fact that JJ was in the hospital, clearly injured enough that the hospital had to call on his behalf. JJ couldn’t call himself. “Is he okay?” 

“John is currently in surgery. He has a broken leg, arm and a few broken ribs. There were indications of a concussion when he was awake, as well as some bleeding. The doctor is doing everything he can to help Mr. Maybank.” 

Pope’s heart stops at the words, breath caught in his throat. JJ was in the hospital. JJ was in surgery right now. What the hell had happened? “What happened to him?” He asks, voice soft and shaking. He goes to reach for his bag and notices his hand shaking, knuckles turning white as he wraps his fingers around the handle to help ground himself. “Is he going to be okay?”

“He was in an accident. We are doing everything we can.” The words hurt, cause an ache in his chest as he listens to this person. They can’t say if JJ will be okay because they genuinely don’t know if he will be. The accident was so serious that he could die. He could die and Pope hasn’t even talked to him in months. 

Pope can’t help it when a tear slips down his cheek dropping from his chin and forming a perfect wet circle on his jeans. JJ was hurt. JJ didn’t have anyone to take care of him. He was completely alone right now. “I’m on my way home. I’ll be there tonight.” 

The nurse hums on the other line, indicating that she’s heard him. “I’ll give you a call when he is out of surgery but feel free to call at any time for updates.” 

“Yeah, thanks. I will,” he answers and the nurse says goodbye before hanging up on him, probably busy with other patients. 

Pope holds the phone to his ear for a moment longer, heart pounding and fingers shaking as he processes this new information. JJ was in the hospital. He was in surgery and they didn’t know if he was going to make it. Pope was on his way home - which is so unusually lucky for the pogues - only to see his best friend lying in a hospital bed. Can he even call JJ his best friend if they hadn’t talked in months? If the last time he saw JJ in person, JJ had broken his heart? 

Pope doesn’t get any sleep during the bus ride, fingers wrapped around his phone as he waits and waits and waits for it to ring with any news. He calls a few times for an update, desperate to know more. He hears the tears in his voice at each call, all ending the same.  _ He’s still in surgery. They’ve had a few complications but he seems to be doing well _ . He gets weird looks as his fingers shake and his leg doesn’t settle, anxiety coming out in his rigid movements. He knows that people are staring at him. He even has another passenger come up and ask him what’s wrong. He can’t even answer. He simply shakes his head before he lets his head fall into his hands, shoulders shaking as he lets himself tear up at the prospect of JJ in the hospital, alone. 

———————————

Pope almost walks out the door.

It’s hard enough seeing the boy who broke his heart again. It’s even harder to see the boy he still loves lying in bed, scattered in cuts and bruises, casts keeping his limbs steady, chest rising and falling with each stuttered breath, clearly painful. 

Pope feels bile rise in his throat, pushes down the urge to throw up as he takes that one final step into the room. 

It feels like his heart is shattering into a million pieces all over again. 

JJ looks even worse than Pope imagined he would. The phone calls hadn’t mentioned the scattered cuts and bruises on his face, trailing like shooting stars up his arm and across his pale throat. The bandage on his arm covers what he assumes is more cuts as well as the cut they had to make for surgery, screws now holding his bones together. The cast on his leg leaves it immobile, not even a bend at the knee for what Pope assumes will be weeks. The other leg simply has a bandage around the ankle, twisting up his calf and already seeping with blood.

The hair across his head is lifeless, oily and flat against his forehead and Pope’s hand shakes as he moves to brush the strands from his forehead, heart pounding in his chest as he watches JJ take a breath, a groan leaving his lips as he tries to shift. He can’t though, can’t get his leg to move, can’t pick his arm up to lie it across his stomach like Pope knows he likes to do. 

“Fuck, JJ,” Pope mumbles, lets his fingers slip down his cheek. JJ flinches in his sleep and Pope instantly pulls his fingers away, watches the frown that pulls down JJ’s lips, nose scrunching. He doesn’t look peaceful as his forehead wrinkles and Pope wonders if he’s having a nightmare. He used to have nightmares when they were together. Pope remembers the nights he used to have to wake JJ, hold him close with words of reassurance, fingers curled into blond hair. He hopes the drugs are strong enough to fade the nightmares though that would mean the pain is what is causing his obvious discomfort. 

Pope lets out a breath when JJ’s forehead relaxes, taking the seat next to the bed as he watches the rise and fall of JJ’s chest, reminding himself that JJ was still alive. JJ wasn’t going to let this get him down. JJ had always been a fighter and Pope knows he’ll be able to get through this. Pope just doesn’t know who is going to help him. It wasn’t like he could go back to his dad’s. Kiara was off wandering around Europe while John B and Sarah were off doing their own thing, with little communication.

The groan catches his attention and Pope reaches out, gentle as he places his hand on JJ’s. It’s like JJ knows it’s him, like their hands are made for each other as his fingers twitch and Pope tightens his hold on his hand, watches the sigh that leaves JJ’s lips as he seems to settle into the pillow. 

Pope remembers the last time he held this hand. He remembers his fingers threaded with JJ’s, warm and sweaty as they took the boat out. JJ had been so happy, all warm smiles and bright eyes. He had spent most of the ride with his chin on Pope’s shoulder, lips occasionally brushing again Pope's sensitive skin. 

It’s in that moment that Pope realizes that he was going to be the one taking care of JJ through this. He was going to be the one by his side, holding him up, helping him get better. This was going to fall on him, yet Pope didn’t really mind, which was the problem. He didn’t mind that he was going to be the one helping JJ through this. The same JJ that broke his heart. The same JJ that was his best friend for so long. The same JJ that he missed more than anything. 

Pope is just trying to figure out how he could still want someone who broke his heart into a million little pieces. 

———————————

It hurts. JJ can’t even pinpoint what hurts more. He can feel his leg throbbing, the way his ribs ache with each breath he takes, the tingle in his wrist, the hand in his. The last thought has JJ pausing for a moment because that didn’t seem right. That didn’t hurt. That just felt warm, welcoming but he doesn’t know who would be holding his hand. He didn’t have anyone. 

The only person who has ever held his hand so gently he chased away over a year ago, told him to live his life and forget him. JJ didn’t deserve to get off this island. He didn’t deserve Pope. He was too good, too pure for this world, for someone like JJ. 

Pope is JJ’s one regret in life. He still hasn’t decided if that regret is because he started the relationship with Pope or he ended his relationship with Pope. It would have been safer if they had just stayed friends, never crossed that line. It wouldn’t have broken both of their hearts and JJ could have easily phased out of his life if he went off to college. It was hard to phase out of someone’s life when you had tasted their lips, heard the words that you longed to hear your whole life. 

That year with Pope had been special though. It keeps JJ going. It gave him hope that there was something better in this world. It gave him hope that he could be something better, even without the aid of the boy he loved so much. 

With that thought, that one ounce of hope he opens his eyes, a groan leaving his lips when the bright light is too much. He shifts, an attempt to cover his eyes, but there is a hand in one of his and the other hurts too much to move, throbs with his feeble attempt to pick it up off the bed. 

He can feel the hand start to pull away then, memories of Pope’s hand falling out of his over a year ago, and he holds on tighter, doesn’t let go. He can’t lose that comfort even if he doesn’t know who is providing it. He needs that comfort as he tries to open his eyes again, threatened with too bright fluorescent lights and a white, lifeless ceiling. 

He’s pretty sure he’s dreaming when his head tips to the side, eyes barely open as he finds a pair of dark brown staring back at him. It’s the same ones he watched tear up when he broke Pope’s heart, the same ones that used to be so full of love and warmth. They’re full of worry now, JJ can barely make it out in his hazy vision, but he knows it’s there, curses himself for putting that worry there. He was always causing problems. 

“Pope,” he manages, mouth dry. He swallows, throat aching at the action and suddenly feels like he is going to throw up. The churning in his stomach has him shifting, vomit leaving his lips and falling to the floor. The hand moves to run over his back, water placed at his lips when the nonexistent food in his stomach is gone, replaced by burning acid as he sits back and swallows down a full cup of water. 

He is tired though, everything taken out of him as he sits back, the pain in his chest suddenly taking front and center now that he isn’t throwing up. The simple act of pulling in air hurts more than anything he could remember. It has him closing his eyes, one last glance at that worried face he loves so much. 

“I’m sorry, angel,” JJ mutters as sleep pulls him under again, Pope’s smile the last thing he sees as he falls into unconsciousness. 

———————————

Pope watches those blue eyes flutter open. He watches as JJ’s breath picks up, as he takes in his surroundings, trying to process where he may be. It isn’t the first time he’s woken up, but JJ had been pretty disoriented the last time he opened his eyes, anesthesia still settled in his system. There was already a clearness to his eyes that told Pope he would be lucid this time, would be able to realize Pope wasn’t an angel. 

Pope suddenly has the desire to run, to pull his hand away from JJ before he can notice Pope sitting next to him, register the fact Pope is actually here. If he left now, JJ would think it was just a dream. He could just go back to his parents’ house and pretend this never happened. 

He suddenly doesn’t know why he’s here, panic settling into his system. Would JJ even want him here? Would JJ rather wake up alone than have Pope by his side? He hasn’t even seen JJ since they broke up. This whole thing was stupid. 

He makes the rash decision to leave as those blue eyes come into focus, chair knocking a bit as he pushes out, makes a run for the door in his panic.

JJ catches his hand before he can even pass the chair, fingers gentle as they wrap around his wrist. Pope’s breath catches, memories flashing before him of gentle hands running over his skin, lips brushing against his, whispered words pressed into warm skin. “I missed you,” JJ breathes, words barely there for Pope to hear. 

Pope sighs, gaze shifting over his shoulder so he can meet JJ’s blue, blue eyes. “You told me to leave, JJ,” he starts, words tumbling from his lips before he can stop them, “You told me to go live my life, not to look back. You let me go.” Pope should have fought harder but JJ is stubborn and it’s hard to get someone to answer the phone when you’re living hours away from them. “You made it pretty clear you didn’t even want me to try.” 

There is a pause. Pope can tell JJ is thinking, trying to come up with something to say but Pope isn’t sure there is anything he could say. JJ broke his heart all those years ago. He let Pope go when Pope only wanted him, wanted a future with him. They had plans that he just brushed under the rug when it got too hard. 

“I know I screwed up,” JJ finally settles on. Pope can see the emotions swirling in those blue eyes, watching as JJ contemplates his next words. “It was stupid and I’m sorry.” Pope has to admit those words are the ones he’s been waiting to hear for over a year now, waiting and waiting for JJ to realize he made a mistake letting him go. “I just want my friend back.” 

Pope has never wanted anything more. When JJ broke up with him, he had lost his best friend. He had lost years of friendship and support that he built for himself. He had to start all over in school, lean on Kiara when he couldn’t find what he wanted out in college because what he wanted was the blond sitting in the bed, bruised and battered. 

“That’s what I want too,” Pope says, meeting JJ’s gaze. He’s honestly a bit surprised by his words, but he can forgive JJ enough to be his friend. He can move past this, has had over a year to process. He wants his friend back. 

(He wants a relationship too. He wants to hold JJ, kiss him. He wants to run his fingers through that blond hair and whisper words of encouragement. He hates himself a little bit for that. He hates that he could want that after JJ broke his heart, after over a year apart with little communication.) 

JJ lets out a sigh at his words, fingers falling from Pope’s wrist. The skin is suddenly cold, goosebumps rising over his skin. Pope catches himself when a smile threatens to pull up his own lips, won’t give JJ that satisfaction yet. This is still the same boy who broke his heart, now a man in pieces lying in a hospital bed. He has no one though and Pope isn’t about to abandon him like this. 

“Does that mean you’ll hang around?” JJ asks, hopeful. Pope remembers when JJ was full of hope, when they used to talk about getting off the island together, about living a life together. It hurts to think about the life they could have had. 

Pope snorts, rolling his eyes as he finally turns back around completely, the chair scraping over the floor as he tugs it a bit further away from the bed, trying to ignore the temptation to clasp that hand again. “I don’t know who else will keep you out of trouble,” Pope teases and JJ’s smile lights up the whole damn room. Pope’s heart skips a beat at that beautiful face. 

Pope has never been able to say no to JJ. Why would he start now? 

———————————

Pope probably should have gotten his parents permission before he promised JJ he could stay with them, before he assured JJ it would definitely not be a problem. Pope is pretty sure it will be as he stares at his front door, shifting his weight as he tries to figure out how to ask his parents if his ex boyfriend, who broke his heart into pieces, can stay for a while. They knew how much JJ hurt him. They had listened to him cry for the boy sitting in the hospital. Pope wasn’t so sure they’d be as willing to forgive as Pope had. 

(Pope isn’t forgetting though. He feels like he is at a place where he can forgive. He wants his friend back. He wants JJ in his life. He isn’t forgetting though. He isn’t forgetting the heartbreak. He isn’t forgetting the pain. He isn’t forgetting his hopes and dreams shattering like glass in front of his eyes as he watched JJ walk away from him. Pope was willing to give this friendship a try but it was tentative on his end. He had to protect his heart this time around.) 

He shuffles a bit nervously, whipping his sweaty hands on the front of his jeans before he finally digs the keys from his pocket. He’s biting his bottom lip as he pushes the door open, greeted by the smell of dinner and Mama Heyward’s smiling face. “Oh, Pope, honey, you’re home,” she greets warmly and Pope instantly finds himself in Mama Heyward’s arms. 

It’s been a long few days and he finds he instantly sinks into her touch. The last few weeks had been long preparing for finals and then the call about JJ had just been the last straw. He finds he could sink into Mama Heyward’s hug forever at this very moment, instantly curling his arms around her back and pressing his face into her shoulder. 

She seems to understand that he needs comfort right now and pulls in closer, lets her hand rub up and down his back soothingly. He sinks into her touch, letting the tears finally leak from his eyes as he holds onto her for dear life. 

It’s then he feels another hand on his back, not having noticed Heyward was home when he walked in the front door. He lifts his head just enough to catch Heyward’s worried gaze before he presses his face into Mama Heyward’s shoulder again, letting his parents comfort him as he cries. 

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that. He doesn’t know how long he stays wrapped up in Mama Heyward’s arms with Heyward’s comforting hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t really care though, not when he starts to settle down and he feels like he can finally breathe for the first time in weeks. 

He lets Mama Heyward lead them to the couch as he starts to calm down, sandwiched between his parents. The tears have slowed to a steady trickle as he pulls away to whip them with his sleeve, sniffling as he catches Mama Heyward’s worried gaze. She reacts forward to brush a tear from his cheek, Heyward handing him a tissue from the box next to the couch. 

“Honey, are you okay?” The softness in Mama Heyward’s voice has Pope sinking into her side. He wants to cry again as he thinks about JJ, alone in the hospital. He doesn’t have anyone else. There is no one to visit him. There is no one to take care of him. Pope is it and it hurts to think about the fact JJ had spent the last year and a half basically alone. 

(He doesn’t pretend to understand why JJ broke up with him, because he doesn’t understand. They had their whole future planned out. They had the next four years planned out. JJ was going to stay in the Outer Banks. He was going to save up money, live in Pope’s old room. He was going to move out with Pope sophomore year where they would live together as Pope went to school. JJ wasn’t supposed to be alone. He was supposed to be with Pope. He was supposed to be safe.) 

“No,” Pope sighs, focusing on the hand on his shoulder. He knows he’s supposed to be strong. He’s an adult now, but he can’t help but seek comfort in his parents. “I’m not.” 

He doesn’t miss the look his parents exchange and the way his mother’s arm tightens around his shoulders. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” He missed his mom. He missed her cooking. He missed her love. He missed this house. He missed the comfort that his parents brought. 

“It’s JJ,” Pope sighs. He can feel Mama Heyward freeze, knows her eyes are probably wide with shock as she looks at Heyward. He can feel Heyward’s hand squeeze on his shoulder. He knows he needs to explain further. His parents think he just got back from school, claiming his bus broke down and delayed his trip, not that he’s been at the hospital for nearly two days. 

He continues to explain before his parents can start asking questions. “JJ’s in the hospital. I got the call yesterday on my way home. I wasn’t sure how to tell you so I lied and said the bus broke down,” he pauses as he thinks about JJ in the hospital, frown pulling down his lips as he goes to wipe at his eyes again. “I’m apparently his emergency contact. He’s in really bad shape.”

“Oh, honey.” He presses his face into Mama Heyward’s shoulder as he feels the tears threatening again. “I’m sure he’s going to be okay.” The reassurance doesn’t really work to ease his nerves. She hasn’t seen him yet. She doesn’t know what shape JJ is in. He can barely move at this point and that was with the addition of morphine, which he’s refused moving forward. 

“He’s in really bad shape. I’m the only person he has to help him through this,” Pope cries, lets his parents hold him a bit longer as he tries to calm himself down. 

“It’s okay, sweetie,” he can hear Mama Heyward repeating over and over as she rubs his back, Heyward’s hand still on his shoulder. He’s able to pull himself together faster this time, rubbing at his eyes again as he looks back and forth between his parents. “What do you need?”

“I know this is a lot to ask, but he doesn’t have anyone. I’m the only person and he can’t take care of himself. Would he be able to stay with us? Just until he can get on his feet again,” Pope asks. He knows it will be difficult. He still wasn’t over JJ. He still wanted him, but he can’t abandon him because he still loved him. He would do anything for JJ because he loved him, even if his heart was still trying to mend itself from last time. 

“What about school?” It’s the first time Heyward has spoken since he walked in the door and he turns his attention to the other. He knows Heyward won’t like the answer. 

“I’m on medical leave for the semester. Well, I’m almost on medical leave. My adviser said I should be good to go, but she’ll just need to get a few more signatures,” Pope explains. He watches the disappointment flicker on Heyward’s face. He watches the anger replace that soon after. The pride is unexpected though. There is a shine to his eyes Pope has only seen a few times. The last had been at his graduation when he graduated valedictorian of his class. 

“You’re a good man, son,” he says, leans forward to wrap his arms around Pope. Pope returns the hug, relishing in Heyward’s arms, seeking comfort and reassurance that his father wasn’t mad. 

“Honey, JJ can stay with us, but please be careful with your heart,” Mama Heyward adds, fingers brushing over his cheek. Pope knows they must be tear stained and blotchy. He probably looks like a mess. He doesn’t care though as he sinks into the couch, takes comfort in his own home. 

“Thank you,” he says, glancing back and forth between his parents. “Will you come back with me to the hospital? I want to make sure I have all the information I need.” 

“Of course, sweetie,” Mama Heyward says. She joins him as she sinks into the couch. The three of them sitting in silence as they process this new information. He knows his parents are probably worried about him. They know how much it hurt when JJ broke it off. Pope knows it hurts them too. The pair had treated JJ like a son for the year and a half they were together. It wasn’t just about Pope losing his first love, but them losing a son as well. This would be an adjustment for all of them. 

“When do you want to go back?” Mama Heyward breaks the silence. Pope thinks for a moment.

“I just need to shower and then we can head back. He doesn’t have anyone. I don’t want to leave him alone for long,” Pope answers, finally pushing himself off the couch. He leans forward to give both of his parents another hug in thanks before he heads toward the stairs. 

The last thing he hears before he goes to shower is Mama Heyward’s voice drifting up the steps, “It’s so hard to stop loving someone.” 

Pope agrees.

———————————

Pope is thankful for his parents. It’s awkward at first. JJ doesn’t know how to act around them and ends up just stumbling over words and mumbling answers as he tries to avoid eye contact. Heyward puts him in his place though. He gets sick of the act and tells JJ to man up and talk to them properly. They were willing to move past their history if he was. It had only taken a moment for JJ to finally meet his parents eyes as they started to talk about the plans for the foreseeable future. 

Pope could tell JJ was thankful. It was obvious in the way the tension seemed to ease in his shoulders. It was evident in the lack of frown lines on his forehead, now smooth from the reassurance from Pope’s parents. The anxiety JJ had clearly been feeling had eased, leaving the room lighter as Pope sat by his side, telling JJ about the last year and a half at school in a desperate attempt to entertain the other and keep his mind off the pain. 

And the pain was bad. 

JJ had refused painkillers. Pope didn’t understand why and JJ had kept his mouth firmly shut. He would refuse to tell Pope any time the other brought up the subject, any time Pope noticed how much pain JJ was in. JJ had always been good at hiding his pain (practice from years of abuse) but Pope could always tell. He could always tell when JJ needed that little bit of extra comfort and this was no difference. It was like they hadn’t spent the last year and a half apart.

(Pope is honestly a little scared how easy it was to fall back into things with JJ. It was always easy with the other. JJ could always ease his worries, quelll his anxiety. They could read each other like the back of their hands. It was like they never separated.)

It was late when JJ finally let it slip. 

Pope had tried everything to distract JJ. The pain was particularly bad today. The tears shining in JJ’s eyes had Pope’s heart twisting and aching as he watched the other. The only thing he could do was hold JJ’s hand, reassure him that it would get better, but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or JJ. Pope hated seeing the other like this and he finds himself asking again, “Do you want me to call the nurse? I’m sure he would give you pain medication.”

“I’m not taking it, Pope. It’s bad enough they gave me morphine,” JJ groans, eyes squeezed shut. He’s curled in on himself and Pope thinks it looks more painful, but he doesn’t comment. “I’m sober. I can’t take pain medication.” 

Pope’s eyes widen in shock as he watches JJ, waiting for any hint that JJ might be lying to him. He never imagined JJ getting sober. He feels like that would have been something Kiara would have mentioned on one of their many phone calls. He has to shake the thoughts from his head when the silence sits too long, reaching forward to brush sweaty blond hair from JJ’s forehead. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he says, watching as blue eyes blink open. They’re not as dull as they had been the first few days. They’re starting to look like those same ocean blue eyes Pope used to want to stare in for hours, could probably still stare into for hours. 

“Not a big deal,” JJ mutters, eyes sliding closed again. He squeezes Pope’s hand though and Pope knows he appreciates the comment. Pope wants to know more about the story, about why JJ was sober, but the other is panting, and Pope decides to just continue the story he had been telling JJ before, fingers moving to run through JJ’s hair again. 

Pope doesn’t push it after that. He can’t, but it’s hard when he watches JJ shift in bed, pain etching his features permanently now. It only gets worse when the physical therapist comes in for the first official visit. She’s been in a few times before to assess his range of movement, but this time JJ was actually going to get exercises to start doing so he could start to gain his strength back. 

“Hey, JJ!” She’s a little too excited, but Pope can’t imagine how taxing this job is on someone. It must be difficult to work with patients in the hospital, ones that oftentimes have lost hope. Pope can only hope that JJ hasn’t lost his hope. Pope was going to make sure they got through this. He was going to take care of JJ no matter how many pieces this boy broke his heart into. 

“Just peachy,” JJ smiles, but it’s forced as he shifts to lie on his back, wincing when she places a hand on his ankle. The cut under the bandages had been healing nicely, but Pope could tell the other was still in pain when he moved it. He figures that it’s a good sign he can move it though because he can’t move his other leg, still snug in it’s cast. 

“Well I’m happy to hear that,” she smiles, even though it’s obvious that JJ’s tone is dripping with sarcasm. She doesn’t let it phase her thought as she moves her hand to rest under JJ’s leg. “I’m going to go through a few exercises for your legs and your arms. We’re going to stay in bed for now, but I want to make sure you’re moving and keeping your strength up so you’re ready to get out of here as soon as possible.” 

JJ simply nods, teeth grinding together as she helps him lift his leg. She explains each exercise as she does them, going over what muscles they use and how many seconds to hold each as well as how many sets. Pope ends up taking notes on his phone the whole time, watching JJ closely.

The other doesn’t seem interested in what she’s saying, but he lets her move his limbs around, nods when he needs to, but Pope can see some hesitation in his eyes. He frowns as he narrows his own, trying to figure out what that might mean as the physical therapist moves to his arms. 

“Great! It looks like you’re getting the hang of it,” she smiles, hands on her hips. She looks happy, but Pope can’t really pinpoint why. JJ looks miserable. He was clearly in pain and Pope knew he was just saying things to appease her at this point. She doesn’t seem to notice though as she bids them goodbye and says she’ll see him next week to assess his progress, reminding him that the sooner he gains his strength back, the sooner he’ll be able to go home. 

Pope watches JJ as she heads out the door, noting that the little bit of light that had come back to his eyes has dulled again.

———————————

JJ doesn’t do his exercises and Pope doesn’t know how to bring it up. He spends most of his time at the hospital and he has not once seen JJ do the exercises that he is supposed to be doing three times a day. It isn’t like he could do them in the time Pope ran to the bathroom or went to grab them shitting food at the hospital cafeteria. JJ could barely move so there was no way he could finish in less than five minute. 

It’s Christmas eve when Pope finally snaps. 

He’s spent every single day with JJ. He’s spent every single day with the boy who broke his heart into a million little pieces. He’s spent every day still loving JJ through all of this heartbreak, supporting him after everything. He can’t sit around and watch JJ just dwindle away. He couldn't watch JJ give up on his life. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Pope snaps, watching as JJ fiddles with a loose string on his sheets. He knows JJ wants his rings back, likes to play with them, but his fingers are still swollen and they won’t fit. The fact they had been able to save them to begin with is a miracle in itself. 

The words shock JJ, dull blue eyes wide as he snaps his gaze to Pope. The fingers are frozen, strings nearly cutting off circulation as they wind around JJ’s fingers. “What-” He watches as JJ swallows, “What do you mean?”

“JJ, the physical therapist came days ago and I haven’t seen you do the exercises once. Don’t you want to get out of here?” Pope asks, trying to keep his voice even. He knows JJ is going through a lot right now and it wasn’t really fair to snap at him like that. It had come out of nowhere, simply filling the silence that had settled between them. 

JJ doesn’t seem to know what to say for a moment, shifts his gaze toward the white wall in front of his bed. He lets out a sigh after a moment, shoulders sagging as he raises a hand to rub at his broken ribs. “I just-I don’t want to burden you,” JJ admits and it’s weirdly reminiscent of their break up a year and a half ago. 

He hates that JJ thinks that he is simply a burden. 

“That’s not what this is,” Pope reassures him, reaching forward to place his hand over JJ’s. It takes a lot of effort, but JJ pulls it away, rests his wrapped arm across his lap awkwardly. 

“They wouldn't have even called you if I hadn't made you my emergency contact years ago. I didn’t want them to call you.” Pope’s heart breaks as he watches the other. It’s like the little pieces had finally started to put themselves back together only for JJ to crack them back to the original little pieces as the words leave his lips. That isn’t the only reason his heart breaks though. JJ has never thought he was good enough for Pope. He’s always seen himself as a burden and the fact he wanted to do this on his own rather than call Pope broke Pope’s heart.

“But I’m here and I’m not leaving, not this time,” Pope promises, reaches forward so he can place his hand on JJ’s thigh. The one closest to him has a cast up to his hip and it ruins the moment just a bit when Pope can’t brush his thumb over warm skin reassuringly, but JJ notices the action, letting his eyes flicker down to that hand. 

“But what about school?” JJ finally looks up to meet his eyes again and Pope can see the anguish in his eyes. The other looks completely lost, guilt shining in his eyes. 

“I’ve been on official medical leave for a few days now.” JJ’s eyes widen at the words and he moves too quickly, a cry leaving his lips as he falls back onto the bed. Pope isn’t really sure what JJ was trying to do, but he doesn’t think twice as he stands, helping JJ settle back into the pillows with a pained expression on his face. 

Pope is still standing over him when JJ finally opens his eyes, taking in a deep breath before he finally speaks. “How could you do that? I didn’t ask you to do that.” 

“You didn’t have to ask,” Pope says, like it was obvious. He doesn’t understand why JJ thinks he has to ask people to do nice things for him. Even then, it wasn’t like he would actually ask. Pope can’t help but blame his father from the years of physical and verbal abuse. Pope only wishes he had known sooner, had been able to get him out sooner. 

“Pope…”

“No, JJ,” Pope doesn’t let him finish. “I’m not leaving you like this. I don’t care what happened between us before. I don’t care that you fucking broke my heart and left me. I just care about the fact my best friend is lying in a hospital bed with no one to take care of him. I’m not leaving and I don’t care what you say. You’re going to start fucking doing your exercises and then you’re going to move in with me temporarily and when you’re strong enough to live on your own again, we’ll move you back to the chateau and I’ll go back to school. We can either go back to pretending the other doesn’t exists again when that happens or we can realize that we both need each other, we need this friendship and I’ll go back to school and you’ll fucking text me and keep me updated so you aren’t alone.” 

The words seem to startle JJ as he stares at Pope with wide eyes, obviously trying to process what Pope just told him. It only takes him a moment though, before he finally seems to be able to form the words. “Okay,” JJ sighs, defeated. 

“Okay?” Pope asks, wants reassurance that JJ won’t just run away this time when it gets hard. He won’t break Pope’s heart again, won’t push him away during this process.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll do them now. I know you took notes, Dr. Spock. Help me out.” It’s the first genuine, warm smile since Pope arrived that pulls up JJ’s lips as he looks at Pope. It’s the same way he used to look at him when they were young and in love. It takes Pope’s breath away.

He has to shove those feelings down, pretend they aren’t there. This was just a friendship now. He had to get over this whole being in love with JJ thing. It’s been a year and a half and JJ broke his heart. He shouldn’t love him as much as he does. He can’t seem to help it though. He can’t help the smile that pulls up his lips. He can’t help but pull out his phone and tease the other as he starts his exercises. 

It really does feel like old times now. Pope isn’t so sure if that’s a good thing anymore, not when his heart flutters in his chest. 

———————————

Christmas comes and goes and Pope finds it easy to lose himself in his days with JJ. He doesn’t understand how the two could spend so much time together and still have stuff to talk about. JJ’s mood has lightened and he is telling Pope stories from the missed year and a half. He insists Pope keep telling him stories about college, even going as far as to ask Pope about what he’s learning in his classes. JJ always listens intently and asks probing questions that shock Pope. The other is even more interested in Pope’s schooling than he had been when they were in high school. 

Before Pope knows it, it’s New Years eve and JJ has gotten permission to leave the hospital. It’s made very clear that there will be strict rules, but after close to a month and the majority of his cuts and bruises healing, it’s simply some broken bones that they can take care of at home. 

The doctor is very clear about JJ going home with Pope and he cannot walk on his leg. He can’t use crutches either and Pope is trying to figure out how well a wheelchair will work around the cut so he can at least help get JJ out. He hasn’t left the hospital bed in nearly a month, the four white walls are all that he has to look at other than the nurses and Pope’s face. They may have to wait a bit longer before they can explore, but at least he’ll be able to help JJ around the house so he can sit in the living room during the day. 

Pope has never really appreciated the sun so much in his life. The second they walk out, JJ’s eyes close and he sucks in a breath of fresh air, letting it out slowly before he sucks another one back in. The castless hand outstretched, palm up, like he wants to catch a raindrop and Pope can’t help but smile fondly at the other. JJ has always been the type of person to be out and about. He’d live out on the beach if he could. He can’t imagine what it has been like to sit in a white room, with terrible lighting for days on end. 

“My parents are expecting us for dinner,” Pope explains once he’s let JJ sit in the sun for a good ten minutes. It’s New Years eve and they had a whole night planned for JJ. It was JJ’s first night out and Mama Heyward made all of his favorite meals, including his favorite snacks for them to watch movies until the ball dropped at midnight. 

“Can we drive by the beach?” JJ asks as Pope stops him next to the car. He locks the chair as he walks around the front, smile on his lips. JJ’s eyes look bright again, like the sun has put all of the shine back into those blue eyes, vivid and sparkling in the sunlight. 

“I already planned to stop at the beach.” Pope knew it would be the one place JJ wanted to go the second he got out. Pope just wished they could actually get out of the car and sit in the sand for a bit. There was no way they could though. The wheelchair couldn’t work on the sand and with the casts, Pope was too nervous to carry him down to the sand. He also didn’t want to jar JJ’s still healing ribs too much. The other had claimed they didn’t hurt anymore, but Pope still worried. He notices the look of pain on JJ’s face if he moves just right. 

The smile he gets from JJ has his breath catching, brown eyes meeting bright blue. He has to stop himself from leaning forward to kiss those waiting lips, cut long healed but scarring across the pink, forming a light contrast against his bottom lip. Pope wants to see if it makes JJ’s lips more sensitive. He can’t though. He has to shove those feelings down. Remind himself that JJ broke his heart and this friendship was still tentative. 

(It isn’t tentative though. They’ve fallen back into their old easy ways. Pope had always found it easy to be around JJ. The other put him at ease, could calm his nerves with one simple word or a smile directed at him. Their friendship had been so strong before they got together that Pope isn’t surprised they fall back into it so easily, like they hadn’t spent the last year and a half separated.) 

Pope shakes the thoughts away and helps JJ into the car. It’s difficult because he can’t bend his leg and they end up just lying him across the back seat even though Pope doesn’t like that JJ won’t be able to wear a seatbelt. He doesn’t push it though because JJ is so happy, excited to finally be out and about. Pope simply turns the music up at JJ’s request and drives to the beach. 

Pope finds a spot along the edge, making sure that JJ can see out the window, but when he looks back, he finds JJ struggling to sit up. The cast on his arm doesn’t allow him to place weight on that arm and the other arm is still sore from the large gash that Pope could have sworn bleed for days, probably because JJ kept opening the stiches. 

It’s a snap decision as Pope steps out of the car, hurrying around to open the door behind JJ’s back. The other shoots him a confused look and Pope just returns a nervous smile. “Scoot up a bit,” Pope instructs and JJ doesn’t argue as he pulls himself up with Pope’s aid. Pope allows himself one last breath before he ducks into the car, closing the door behind him so he can lean against the door and gingerly helping JJ lean back until he’s pressed to Pope’s chest, propped up enough to look at the ocean in front of them. 

He can hear JJ’s breath hitch as they make contact and Pope flails a bit awkwardly when he realizes there is literally nowhere to put his arms except around JJ’s waist. It’s awkward as he finally decides to let his arms wrap around JJ, hands resting on his stomach as he leans over to catch sight of the view. 

“It’s beautiful today,” Pope comments. The breeze is chilly, but the sun streaming into the window warms the pair as they both look out over the ocean.

“I really miss it,” JJ comments and Pope can hear the sadness in his voice. 

“The second you can walk, we’ll be down there. I promise.” JJ nods, hair brushing against Pope’s cheek as he does so. 

The silence sits for a moment as Pope watches JJ, can see that the other is trying to find the words. He seems to settle on something as resolve flashes across his face, turning to look at Pope. JJ apparently hadn’t realized they were so close because his eyes widen in shock, head shifting just enough that he hits it against the headrest. 

“Um-” JJ wets his lips as he meets Pope’s dark eyes. “I just wanted to say thanks. I know this is a pretty shitty situation. The whole helping your ex-boyfriend recover after an accident, but I really appreciate it. I don’t think I could have done this alone.” 

JJ had opened up a lot in their relationship with each other, but the other still hadn’t been great with words by the time they broke up. He wasn’t the best at articulating his thoughts. He was always an action type of person. Pope remembers the emotions JJ could pour into a kiss, but they don’t have that option now. The only thing they can do is use words, but JJ has clearly worked on articulating his feelings the last year and a half. 

“It’s not a problem,” Pope answers, not able to rip his gaze away from JJ. The other is smiling softly at him and Pope could swear the other was leaning in to kiss him. He lets himself get lost for a moment, but then realizes that JJ is actually leaning forward and has to pull away. He couldn’t fall into this trap. He has to protect his heart. 

He doesn’t miss the flicker of disappointment, but JJ doesn’t let it last long. He turns his attention back to the ocean for only a moment more before tapping the back of Pope’s hand. “I think I’m ready to go. I feel like this is just a tease.” 

Pope nods, careful as he extracts himself from JJ, settling him back again and closing the door as he hurries around to the driver's side. The ride back to the house is quiet after that, music soft in the background as he finally pulls up to the door. 

He can see his parents waiting outside the door when he pulls up. He doesn’t miss the grimace on JJ’s face, knows the other probably doesn’t want all the attention or help, but his parents are hurrying over to the car to greet him just as Pope pulls the door open. “I don’t need a welcome parade,” JJ mutters, so only Pope can hear. Pope can’t help the soft laugh that leaves his lips as he starts to pull JJ out of the back, thankful when Heyward grabs the wheelchair and opens it next to him. 

“Oh honey, it is so good to see you out of the hospital,” Mama Heyward greets, placing a blanket over JJ’s lap as Pope tries to get him situated. It seems silly since the door is only a few feet away, but JJ doesn’t seem to complain as he wraps his fist into the soft fabric, letting Pope push him to the door. “We have everything set up in Pope’s room. I know the stairs will be a challenge, but the bathroom is on the second floor anyway so we thought Pope’s room would be better fit for you.”

“What about Pope?” JJ asks, flinching when Pope goes to move his leg in order to help him up the few front steps. He’s thankful when Heyward steps up behind JJ and slips an arm under each of his, allowing Pope to focus on his legs. 

“I’m sleeping in the living room until you’re better,” Pope answers, watching his step as they make it up the stairs. Pope remembers a time they used to share the room upstairs. JJ had moved in after John B disappeared and at first it had been friendly, but as their relationship evolved and they went from best friends to boyfriends, Pope remembers curling up in that bed with JJ against his chest, or spooning with the other in his warm sheets. He can admit to himself that he misses it, but has to come to terms that it will probably never happen again. 

“But-”

“There will be no arguing. We want you to get better and Pope is fine on the air mattress in the living room,” Mama Heyward says, voice firm and JJ knows not to argue with her so he simply nods his head, frown pulling down his lips. “Now, we’ve made your favorite and we have everything set up to celebrate New Years tonight.”

JJ’s eyes light up as they place him on the couch, pulling up the tray table so he can eat in front of the TV. Mama Heyward serves him his dinner and the four of them sit in the living room as they watch the first movie of the night. 

JJ doesn’t make it to midnight, but he doesn’t seem to mind when Pope wakes up him just after, wishing him a Happy New Year and helping him up the stairs to bed. 

———————————

JJ feels helpless. It isn’t a new feeling. There were a lot of moments in his childhood and teenage years that he felt helpless. He was helpless when his mother passed. He was helpless when his father hit him. He was helpless to the cruel words his father drilled into his head. These were all moments he could run away from. He could escape the cruel hands of his father at John B’s house. He could escape the cruel words, often repeating over and over in his head, with a distraction of his best friend and eventual boyfriend. This was a different kind of helpless though. This was one he couldn’t escape. 

The cast on his leg is itchy but he knows he can’t reach the itch on his calf. He can’t even bend his leg into a different position. He can still barely move it from the one spot it was situated on the bed by Pope this morning. He’s doing his exercises but the cast is heavy and he’s still weak. Fuck. He hates being weak. He’s always hated being weak but having to have someone help him constantly is really eating at him. 

The cast on his arm isn’t as bad and JJ scratches at the skin just above, pushing himself into a sitting position before he rubs his still aching ribs. They’ve healed up nicely, but they still twinge in pain sometimes if he moves a certain way. 

He has to go to the bathroom and he knows Pope is downstairs. He doesn’t want to call him though. He’s managed to put off a shower for almost a week, which is nasty but the wipes by the bed are good enough for now. He knows he’ll have to take one either tonight or tomorrow though. He is dreading it. 

The cast is heavy as he uses his hands to shift the cast off the bed. There is a bit of pain that shoots up his arm with the weight, but he ignores it as the cast hits the solid wood, frowning when it makes a louder sound than he’d like. He ignored it though as he pulls the wheelchair closer. He doesn’t want to use it but he doesn’t have crutches yet because of his arm and there is no way he can walk with the cast on his leg. He thinks he can do the wheelchair though. 

It doesn’t work. 

The casted arm isn’t strong enough and he forgets to lock the wheel chair so it slides across the floor. It luckily doesn’t go far. The room is small so the wheelchair hits the bedside table. It knocks over the lap but saves JJ from completely tumbling to the floor. It doesn’t mean his back doesn’t hit the bed hard though, his whole weight shifting and knocking the wind out of him as he sinks to the floor. It has pain shooting through his ribs and he groans, arms moving to hug his middle. 

The fall seems to be the final straw because JJ suddenly can’t stop the tears from slipping down his cheeks, a sob leaving his lips as he drops his head into his arms. He can’t even curl up, can’t pull his knees to his chest because of the stupid cast. 

The door slamming against the wall doesn’t even phase him as Pope hurries into the room. He stops in his tracks at the door, assesses the situation before he finds Pope’s hand on his shoulder, pulling him closer to rest against his chest. 

“It’s okay, JJ. I got you,” Pope whispers, hand rubbing up and down JJ’s arm. JJ missed this more than anything. He missed having Pope wrapped around him. He missed the warmth that always spread through his body when the other touched him. He missed Pope. He missed him so much. He is not sure if he’ll be able to part with him again, doesn’t know if he’ll have the courage to let Pope go a second time. 

Pope just lets him cry. He doesn’t say anything. He simply holds JJ and it’s the first time he’s been held since JJ left Pope a year and a half ago. It’s the first time he’s just been able to curl up in someone’s arms and let them hold him. He knows Pope won’t judge him either and that made it easier to press his face into Pope’s shoulder and let every worry he’s had the last year and a half flow out of him. 

He doesn’t know how long he stays on the ground crying. He doesn’t know how long he has Pope’s arms around him. He just knows it will never be long enough as he pulls away, wiping at his cheeks furiously and rubbing snot on his sleeve. 

“I’m sorry you're going through this JJ, but I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you,” Pope reassures, brushes his fingers over JJ’s cheek and catches a tear. He wants to hug the other, maybe press a kiss to his lips but he lost that privilege long ago and he’s just thankful he can have Pope as his friend again. This was his own fault anyway. He had to live with the consequences. 

JJ nods, pulling himself away from the intimate moment. It’s too much especially because he knows nothing will come of it. “I have to use the bathroom and I think it might be time for a shower.” 

Pope is smiling when he meets his gaze again, a teasing glint in his dark eyes. JJ could get lost in those eyes. He remembers when they used to be so full of love, love directed at him. He knows he’s only imagining the glint there, the love, and he squashes that hope. 

“It’s about time, you stink,” Pope smiles and he’s clearly holding back his laugh. JJ only pauses a moment as he watches Pope break down in a fit of giggles in front of him and JJ smiles fondly, careful of his arm as he gives Pope a shove. 

“Shut up you asshole,” JJ laughs, allows Pope to pull him up and help him into the wheelchair. 

“So how are we going to do this?” Pope asks once he’s stopped snickering into his shoulder and the pair find themselves staring down the bathtub. 

“It isn’t like you haven’t seen it already,” JJ mutters, bracing himself for an annoyed rebuttal from Pope but it doesn’t come. 

“That is true,” Pope agrees instead, surprising JJ as he walks around to help him sit on the toilet. He exits the bathroom and lets JJ do his thing. He always struggles a bit but it gives him more independence this way as he indicates for Pope to come back in. He does so with a large trash bag and an elastic, “take your pants off.” 

“What?” JJ’s gaze snaps up, eyes wide. Pope places the bag on the counter and rummages through the linen closet, pulling out a towel. 

“Take your pants and underwear off and just put this over...” Pope gestures to his groan vaguely, “yourself and then I’m going to put the bag over your cast and we’ll get you in the tub. Actually, tub first and then pants. We will just fill up the tub while you're in it.” 

JJ nods, lifting his arms so Pope can help him into the tub. They fumble a bit awkwardly and JJ wiggles out of his baggy sweatpants and bowers, putting the towel over his lap. He tells Pope he can turn back around and the other goes to pull the bag over his cast. 

It’s an awkward affair. The cast nearly goes to JJ’s hip and he doesn’t miss the awkward glance from Pope as the elastic snaps against JJ’s leg as softly as possible without getting too close to his groin. JJ would normally flirt a bit, but he knows this isn’t the place. Pope was trying to help him and this friendship was still on the mend. JJ lost teasing rights a long time ago. 

“Okay. Shift off,” Pope finally says, not meeting JJ’s gaze. He does as he’s told and tugs it over his head, tossing it aside. The removable cast has to be taken off his arm and JJ goes to do just that when Pope’s gentle fingers start to work the ace bandage off. He moves slow, wrapping it so it’s easy to get back on. The plastic mold is pulled off next. 

The skin is sweaty and irritated. It’s paler than the rest of his body, because the skin looks so dull from being in the cast. The biggest difference is the glaring scar running down his arm. It’s still red and irritated but it’s healing nicely, screws holding his bones together now under his skin. He shivers when Pope runs his finger over the sensitive skin, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“Does it hurt?” He whispers, brown eyes meeting JJ’s blue. There is so much written on his face and JJ can see how much Pope still cares about him. JJ doesn’t deserve it at all. He knows he broke Pope’s heart. He broke his own as well. 

“It’s not bad now. My leg hurts more,” JJ answers honestly. There was still pain in his wrist but bearable. It was nothing he couldn’t handle. 

“Is it bad now?” 

“No. It isn’t too bad.” It’s a bit of a lie. He can feel the throb under the cast but he doesn’t want to worry Pope. He’s sure it will be better when he gets back into bed. This trip to the bathroom is really taking it out of him and he had done his exercises right beforehand too. 

Pope is looking at him softly now, so much caring in his eyes and JJ has to swallow the lump in his throat, tear his gaze away as he points to the faucet. “Are you going to turn the water on?” His voice is a little raw. “I thought you said I smell.”

The moment is shattered as Pope forces a laugh at his words, reaching forward to turn the water on. “Just call me when you’re done and don’t try and get out yourself.”

“Aw, but I really wanted to fall again,” JJ teases and that earns him an eye roll from Pope, mood lightened. The other simply shakes his head as he pulls the curtain closed, a hand reaching in for the towel. JJ hands it to him and decides to just go for it. “Are you sure you don’t want to join?” 

“Just take a bath, JJ.” He can hear the laugh in Pope’s words though and he knows they’re going to be able to mend this friendship. 

———————————

They end up watching a lot of TV. It isn’t like JJ can do anything else. He isn’t much of a reader so that wouldn’t work so TV was the only real option when he still couldn’t leave the house. 

(He did get to go back to the hospital twice for physical therapy but he doesn’t really count that. Pope had stopped at The Wreck to get them lunch but JJ hadn’t even been able to get out of the car. It had been nice when Mr. Cerrara waved out the door though. The other had started to tentatively like him when he grew closer to Kiara before she left for her trip.) 

Pope is nice enough to sit around with him but he knows the other doesn’t enjoy the hours in front of the screen. JJ always makes off-handed comments about Pope going to read or study. Pope will brush them off but grab a book when he realizes he doesn’t need to entertain JJ by being engaged in the TV show. The books always ease the tension in his shoulders. 

JJ is always tempted to ask Pope to read to him. The other used to do just that when they were together, fingers in his hair while JJ’s head rested in his lap. Pope’s voice had always been grounding for JJ and listening to the other read to him would lull him into sleep or simply allow him to focus on something other than his father’s voice echoing in his head. 

Pope doesn’t seem engaged in his book today though, closing the cover after he marks his page and burrows into the cushions. JJ’s watching some shitty movie he hasn’t really been paying attention too. Why would he when Pope is so much more interesting? But Pope seems interested and JJ turns his attention back to the TV, trying to be subtle with each glance toward the other boy. 

JJ knows Pope has to be sleeping when Pope’s head tips onto his shoulder, a soft snore leaving his lips due to the funny angle of his neck. JJ smiles fondly, adjusting so his injured arm is across the back of the couch, allowing Pope’s head to rest more comfortably on his shoulder. 

JJ can’t help it when he lets his arm fall off the couch, wrapping around Pope’s shoulder as the other shifts closer to him. He looks peaceful as he adjusts, head now pressed into the nook of JJ’s neck, breath warm against his skin. JJ can’t help but watch the other, fondness settling on his features. He missed this. He wishes he could lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead but he knows he can’t. 

“JJ, honey,” Mama Heyward calls his attention, eyes snapping from the boy next to him to meet her kind eyes. She looks sad though as she looks between the two of them. “You’re still in love with him.” 

That had not been what JJ was expecting and the shock must show on his face because Mama Heyward moves to press a hand to his shoulder, that same smile on her lips. JJ thought he had been a little better about hiding his feelings but apparently not. 

“Darling, why did you break up with him when you love him so much?” She asks. JJ knows she’s only asking out of curiosity, to know why JJ broke her son’s heart. JJ doesn’t want to explain though. The self- loathing that led to the break up is something he’s still working his way out of and he never wanted to hold Pope back. He doesn’t want to lie though. He can’t just tell her he never loved her son. It’s literally written all over his face even a year and a half later. 

“I just-“ JJ searches for the right words, trying to figure out how he wants to word this. “I didn’t want to hold him back.” 

JJ’s breath catches at the love shining in her eyes. He hasn’t seen much of the Heyward’s since the break up, can’t remember Mama Heyward ever looking at him with so much love and kindness, the same love that shines in her eyes when she looks at Pope. 

“Love, you were never a burden.” 

The words knock the breath out of JJ, tears instantly streaming down his cheeks as Mama Heyward moves to brush them away, keeping her hands on each as she looks at JJ with so much tenderness. He can't remember a time an adult looked at him like this, not even during his two years living in this very house. The fact she could look at him like this after what he did says volumes about her character. 

“You are worthy of love,” she continues, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he cries. He tries not to jostle Pope as a sob leaves his lips. He hasn’t cried this much since he broke up with Pope. “You are worthy of kindness and compassion. Honey, we love you so much.”

JJ surges forward, cast be damned as he wraps his arms around her neck, relaxing as her arms wrap around him. He can barely make out Pope’s confused, tired look as he leans his weight on his hand, rubbing at his eyes. He feels bad for waking him but Mama Heyward is warm and welcoming and feels like the love he never had. 

“He still loves you, you know,” she whispers into his ear. She’s running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. JJ sinks into her. “And we do too. I hope you realize that you deserve to be happy this time around.” 

She wipes his tears when she pulls away, frowning when JJ’s wipes his nose on his sleeve. The next look, stern and loving, has JJ nodding his head. He’s saying that he heard her. He’s saying that he knows. He’s thanking her. She smiles at him then, soft and warm. “I’ll cook up a nice dinner. I’m feeling soup tonight. It’s a bit chilly out today.”

She gives him one last smile as she hurries into the kitchen, muttering about chicken and vegetable as JJ sinks back into the couch, ignoring Pope’s curious gaze. Apparently Pope doesn’t like that though because he asks, “what was that about?” 

JJ pauses. “Nothing,” he decides on because that conversation was just for him for now. 

———————————

JJ is holding his hand. Pope can see the way his muscles strain under his long sleeve shirt, holding all of his weight because he can tell JJ is too scared to put any weight on his leg. The cast is gone and has been replaced with a removable air cast as well as the one on his arm. 

Pope’s fingers are pinched painfully between JJ’s hand and the bar, but he tries not to think about it as he waits for JJ to place his foot on the ground. The other looks concentrated but nervous and the physical therapist is patient as she waits. (“It doesn’t always happen on the first try,” she had explained when they first started the session with some floor exercises.) 

JJ’s been working hard the last few weeks to gain his strength. It’s like the conversation with Mama Heyward really gave JJ the push he needed. Pope doesn’t know what they talked about, but he isn’t going to prey, doesn’t want to mess with it since it’s led to JJ’s newfound motivation. 

“It’s going to be okay. The doctor said you might have minimal pain from lack of use but it’s healed,” the physical therapist reassures. JJ glances up at her, before he turns his gaze to Pope. 

Pope can see the worry etched in his features. JJ’s never been so open about his worry and fear and it has Pope giving his hand an impossible squeeze from the weird angle of their fingers on the bar. “I know you can do it,” Pope encourages. JJ watches him for another moment, eyes searching until he seems to find what he’s looking for. 

“Please don’t let go,” JJ says and Pope smiles at him. 

“My fingers are being crushed so I can’t move them even if I wanted too, which I don’t,” Pope teases, earning himself a smile from JJ. The other mutters an apology as he releases his fingers, instead indicating for Pope to place it on his shoulder. 

The touch is gentle, weightless as he watches JJ finally place his foot on the ground, watching as the other takes his first tentative step forward. Pope can see the pain scrunching JJ’s face, eyes narrowed in determination as he takes another shaky step. 

And then he’s walking across the whole rail. 

Pope can’t help the smile on his lips as he watches him go. The moment only lasts a second though because JJ is going too fast, trying to do too much too fast and Pope pulls his hand away so he can catch JJ as he gets to the end of the bars, grunting when all of JJ’s weight barrels into his chest. 

The other is smiling though, trying to steady himself with shining blue eyes. “Did you see?” He looks like a little kid who just rode his bike for the first time. It makes Pope’s heart flutter. “I fucking nailed it!”

Pope laughs, warm and bright and loud enough to draw the attention of other occupants in the room. “I saw you almost fall,” Pope teases and JJ smiles at him, eyes creased with happiness. Pope feels like he can’t breathe as he watches the other. He’s so proud of JJ. The other could have just given up, pushed Pope away. But he’s here, in front of Pope, taking his first steps. 

And Pope can’t seem to stop himself from leaning forward to connect their lips. 

He used to always kiss JJ when he was happy. The way happiness tasted on JJ’s lips. The way it sounded as Pope would press their lips together to muffle a laugh. The way those now scared lips would curve into that smile, so bright it could light the whole damn universe. 

It’s a mistake though. 

It takes everything in Pope to pull back, eyes wide in shock. JJ looks just as stunned, blue eyes swirling with emotions as he searches Pope’s face. 

“Fuck. I’m so sorry,” Pope apologizes. 

“No-“ 

But Pope stops him. He can’t do this again. That was a mistake. He had simply got caught up in the moment and he says just that. “No JJ. I just- I got caught up in the moment.” He sees the hurt flash across JJ’s face but presses on. “I can’t do this again. I can’t get my heart broken again.” 

“I’m not-“ 

“Please JJ. Please don’t,” Pope begs because he can’t hear it. He can’t let JJ crumble his resolve. He could do a friendship with JJ but he can’t risk another heartbreak. What would happen when he went back to school? Would JJ just break up with him again because it would be too hard? 

He can tell JJ wants to say more, but decides to simply close his mouth, nodding sadly as he allows his physical therapist (shit, Pope forget they were in such a public place) to help JJ to the seat resting against the wall.

———————————

“Mama, can we go for a walk?” Pope hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss and it’s become awkward between the two of them. The fact Heyward noticed the tension was a sign that it had gone too far. He needed to fix this but he wasn’t sure how to do that. 

Mama Heyward looks confused as she nods, tucking her knitting away in the little basket next to her chair and moving to pull a blanket over JJ’s legs. He’s sound asleep on the couch after a long physical therapy session and Heyward was in the kitchen puttering around for his lunch break. It was the perfect time to take a walk with his mom. 

She doesn’t ask questions as the two of them leave the house, heading in the direction of the beach. He doesn’t really know where to start. He knows Mama Heyward can tell something is up but where does Pope start? Should he just dive right in and say he kissed JJ or should he start from the beginning when he first saw the other lying in the hospital bed and realized he still loved him with all the little pieces of his heart?

“Mama,” he starts, trying to find the words. She waits patiently, a small smile on her lips as the beach finally stretches out in front of them. “I’m scared.” 

He’s scared that JJ will break his heart again. He’s scared that JJ isn’t serious about this. He’s scared that JJ will just go back to his life once this is all over, forget Pope and pull away. He is scared that he messed it up by kissing JJ. 

“Honey, loving someone can be scary but it’s worth it in the end.” Mama Heyward’s voice is soft, understanding. 

“I kissed him the other day and I told him to forget about it,” Pope explains. He can see the frown on Mama Heyward’s lips, watching as she tries to find the right words. 

Pope takes the moment to stop and take his shoes off, digging his toes into the sand and letting the sun warm his skin. He sucks in a deep breath of salty air and it simply reminds him of JJ. They used to go on dates to the beach all the time. It was cheap, easy and they both enjoyed the water. That was especially true for JJ and Pope liked JJ’s smile around the ocean. It was more relaxed. It had this ease to it, like he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world when the waves were hitting his back or he was balancing on his board. JJ was nearly strong enough to take to the beach and Pope couldn’t want to see that smile when he did. 

“Do you want him to forget it?” Mama Heyward has taken her own sandals off, matching Pope’s slow pace along the sand. 

“No Mama, I don’t want him to forget it,” Pope admits. He wants to do it again and again and again. He wants to hold JJ close and bring him to school and never let him out of his sight again. But does JJ want that? Is JJ just going to leave again? Will JJ even want that anymore? JJ broke up with him. He claimed it would be too hard to do long distance but Pope could always tell it was something else. He doesn’t know what though. He doesn’t know if JJ still loves him. 

“Why did you tell him otherwise?” He loved his mom but he wanted answers right now. He wanted to be told what to do. She was determined to let him get to his own answers though and Pope could never be mad about that. 

“What if he doesn’t want the same thing? What if he doesn’t love me anymore? What if he doesn’t want to come to school with me? What if he doesn’t want to try this again?” The thoughts have Pope’s heart aching and this is why he still isn’t sure. JJ is hurting him without even knowing. “And I want to stay his friend. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Oh honey, I think love is worth the risk.”

Pope pauses, dark eyes meeting the equally dark ones of his mother. She seems serious, a small smile on her lips as she watches him closely. Pops thinks she knows something he doesn’t. She looks like she does but Pope knows she won’t budge no matter what he tries. He’s had years of practice and his mother was good at keeping her lips sealed. He’s sure this would be exactly the same. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she answers and Pope thinks he may have gotten a hint at what was behind her look, at what she knew that he didn’t. She wouldn’t be so sure if she didn’t know there was a good chance it would work out. She wasn’t cruel, wasn’t going to break her son’s heart again if she didn’t know something. 

“Okay, I think I’ll try,” Pope finally agrees, thankful he took Mama Heyward with him so they could chat. She always knew what to say. She always knew how to help. He already felt better, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. “Now I just need to figure out when.” 

He basically just told JJ he didn’t want to pursue this, to forget that kiss. How could he approach this again? How could he bring it up without it being completely and utterly awkward? He wasn’t sure how to go about this whole thing. It had taken them months of dancing around their feelings last time until Pope finally kissed JJ. 

(Pope remembers it fondly. Of course it was at the beach. They had just gone surfing for the first nice day of spring. The water was still cold but the sun was warm on his skin. Pope didn’t think JJ had ever looked happier. At this point, he had been living with the Heywards for months now. He hadn’t seen his father since a few nights after the treasure hunt and he looked free. 

Pope remembers catching the other waving excitedly from his board, throwing him off balance until he tumbled into the water with a laugh. The second Pope knew he was okay he joined, swimming over to meet him in the water, both sitting on their boards as the waves swayed them. 

JJ’s happiness was intoxicating and Pope found himself leaning forward to connect their lips. The angle was awkward and the second Pope realized what he was doing, he pulled away only to tumble off the back of his board. 

JJ isn’t laughing when he surfaces. Instead he’s standing in front of Pope, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him closer, not even allowing him to catch his breath before he connects their lips again. Pope figures he doesn’t need to breathe anyway.) 

“You’ll know just the right moment. I’m sure of it.” 

Pope believes her. 

———————————

The tension is still there and Pope doesn’t really know how to fix it. He wants to start a conversation, but JJ brushes him off each time. It’s harder now that he can walk too. He doesn’t need Pope hovering around him anymore. Not that Pope isn’t happy JJ can walk on his own. He’s more than happy, especially if that kiss was anything to go by, but he felt useless sitting around waiting for JJ’s call. 

He thinks about going back to work. Maybe JJ needed some time alone? But Pope just keeps imagining JJ falling, stuck on the floor until someone gets home, and he can’t seem to get himself to leave the house. He goes on short walks to get away for a bit, but only if he knows Mama Heyward or Heyward are home in case anything happens to JJ. 

He’s honestly at a bit of a lose and he hates not knowing. He hates the uncertainty that has come with this new development in their relationship. He hates that he made it like this. He was the one who ruined their dynamic because he just couldn’t help himself. JJ broke his heart. How pathetic was he to still love him with each little piece lying on the floor? There was something though. He knows JJ feels it too. Mama Heyward wouldn’t encourage him to go for it if she didn’t think it would work out. She wouldn’t want Pope’s heart broken again. He doesn’t even know if it can break into any more pieces than it’s in right now. 

He lets that glimmer of hope drive him. He has to do something to ease this tension, to make this whole thing right between them. He understands why JJ is pulling away. Pope kissed him and then proceeded to shut the whole thing down. He cut JJ off before he could say anything and basically ran away from his feelings. He probably would have run away completely if JJ didn’t need his help. 

He knows instantly when that moment comes, the moment Mama Heyward was talking about. 

JJ is at physical therapy. Walking has become easier. Pope can tell he’s a bit embarrassed by the cane, but he doesn’t use it outside of the house, though that has more to do with the fact that he doesn’t leave the house. He isn’t there yet. The stairs are still an obstacle and the physical therapist hasn’t given him the go ahead to do much more than a few short laps around the couch.

The short set of stairs has been pulled up to their normal spot and Pope can see the way JJ’s eyes light up. He knows the other has been itching to do the stairs, wants to be able to go up and down to the bathroom without having to lean on Pope. He really can’t blame him. He wants JJ to get better even if that means that he has to let the other go. 

(He hopes he doesn’t though. He hopes he’s able to hang on, hold him tight, hug him close. He hopes he’ll be able to help JJ ease some of his worries and pain. He hopes that he’ll be able to lean on JJ, like he always wanted, like they had planned on all those years ago. He hopes he’s able to support JJ and be supported in return.)

JJ works extra hard and Pope hovers. He doesn’t really mean to hover, but he’s worried JJ might fall. He wants to be there to catch him if that happens. He always wants to be there for JJ so he can’t help that he stands a little too close to the steps. He can’t help when he reaches a hand out when JJ gets unsteady. He can’t help but pull the other into a hug when JJ does the few steps set up in the physical therapy room and gets permission to start talking short walks outside (and told firmly to only practice on a few steps and not do a whole staircase). 

JJ goes a bit stiff in his arms, but seems to ease into the hug, allowing his arms to circle Pope’s waist, pulling him closer. He can practically feel the excitement exude off JJ as he holds him close and just allows himself a breath. He’s missed holding the other. He’s missed being this close to him. He can practically feel the tension shifting as he pulls away, knows that their friendship is clicking back into place.

JJ seems eager to get out of the stuffy room, but Pope promises to meet him in the hall as he watches the other leaves, turns his attention back toward the physical therapist. “Would I be able to take him to the beach? He’s been dying to go, but I’m not sure how he’ll do on the sand,” Pope asks. He wants to surprise the other. He feels like JJ deserves the world after everything he’s been through, how hard he has fought through all of this and the beach would be a good start to giving him the world. 

“I don’t see why not. I would just make sure you take it easy.” Pope nods in agreement, shaking her hand with the reassurance that he’ll make sure JJ doesn’t go overboard and then he is off, meeting JJ half way down the hall with a smile on his face. 

He doesn’t tell the other. 

It only takes JJ five minutes to get suspicious. 

“Where are we going?” he asks, eyes narrowed as he looks at their surroundings. Pope is taking him to the beach near the Chateau. It’s the same one that they shared their first kiss, but it also houses a lot of other memories for them. Tag with John B and Kiara up and down the beach. Beach clean ups Kiara used to force them into. Picnics in the sand with leftovers from The Wreck. Surfing the surge before each and every storm. It’s housed all of their good memories and Pope is hoping that it will house another one. 

“Trust me, you’ll like it,” Pope smiles. He isn’t usually one for spontaneity, but he’s happy. JJ is getting better. He has his friend back. He can’t help but hope that this could turn into something more. This adventure had started out on a sour note, a phone call from the hospital, but Pope can’t help but be thankful that it brought them back together again. He doesn’t understand how he could live so long without the bright ray of sunshine in his life. 

JJ gives him a suspicious look, but doesn’t push, turns his attention back toward the window. Pope can tell when he knows though. Those blue, blue eyes widen in shock, but it’s quickly replaced with excitement. Pope can see the happiness on his face. It’s pure and unadulterated. He hadn’t seen that look since they were teenagers in love. It makes Pope’s heart pound and his cheeks ache with his own smile.

“The physical therapist said we could do a small walk,” Pope smiles, putting the car in park. The beach is basically empty, which is good. He knows JJ is still embarrassed about the cane, but it doesn’t seem to phase him as he nearly tumbles out of the car in his excitement, the piece of metal the only thing keeping him up. 

JJ uses his free hand to help him around the car, eyes never leaving the water as Pope steps out of the drivers side. He doesn’t hesitate to take JJ’s hand when he runs out of car to lean on, smiling at the other when he graces him with a quick glance, too excited about the ocean to dwell much before his eyes are back at the swirling blue water. 

“Shit, I forgot how pretty it is,” JJ mutters, eyes wide as he steps onto the sand for the first time. He has his boots on, one an actual boot and the other a brace supporting his still weak ankle accompanied by a knee brace that barely touches the top of the boot. “I can’t wait to ride those waves again.”

He pauses just over the edge of the sand, glancing down at his shoes before his gaze meets Pope. Pope can see the question in his eyes, the pleading and Pope smiles, reaching down to undo his boot and help him out of it. He’s not able to take the brace off, but at least he can still have one foot in the sand. He leaves the lone boot by the car before returning to JJ’s side. 

“The second you’re able, we’ll go out and surf,” Pope promises. He hasn’t been surfing in a while, not since he broke up with JJ. It had really become their thing and it hurt too much to be out on the water without the other boy.

“I’ll still beat your ass even with a bum leg,” JJ teases and Pope smiles, eyes bright because JJ is looking at him again and he swears he can still see the love shining in those blue eyes. 

It just feels like the right time. Mama Heyward was right. He would know. 

He leans in, meets JJ’s blue eyes and connects their lips again. 

It feels right this time. There isn’t a panic that settles over him, makes him feel like he did something wrong. No, this feels like coming home. This feels like a warm blanket after a long day. This feels like the moment of relief when you finish a term paper. This feels like everything all at once. 

But JJ is pulling away from him. The other is pressing against his shoulder, blue eyes wide and Pope can see the pain reflected in them, he can see the turmoil in those blue eyes. 

“JJ-” He wants to explain himself. He wants to reassure the other this wasn’t a fluke. This is what he wanted. He wasn’t going to brush it off this time. JJ is stepping away from him though, letting go of his hand as he steps back.

“No Pope,” JJ says, sadness lacing his tone. It feels like an arrow has been shot through his heart. He didn’t think the pieces of his heart could break any more but he had been wrong. He can feel them cracking as JJ steps away from him. “I can’t play this game. I can’t do this back and forth.”

“JJ, no, that’s not what-” The other is backing away though. Pope goes to reach out, wrap his fingers around that newly scared wrist, but JJ pulls it away before he can, tears his gaze away from Pope as he turns away from him. 

Pope let his hopes get too high, because he can feel the pieces shattering. There was a moment he thought his heart was going to mend itself, was starting to mend itself, but now it’s simply all over the ground, broken as he watches the other turn away from him. 

“I think we need some time apart for a bit. Cool off,” JJ suggests and Pope watches him walk away. The Chateau isn’t far, but JJ wasn’t even supposed to walk long distances and he didn’t even have his boots. He was literally walking barefoot, so desperate to get away from Pope. 

“JJ, you can’t go alone.” It’s a last resort. It’s desperation at this point, anything to get the other to come back to him, but JJ only glances over his shoulder. Pope’s heart breaks at the shattered look he gets. 

“Don’t fucking follow me Pope.”

He doesn’t, but it takes everything in him not too. 

———————————

“Mama, I messed it all up,” Pope says the next morning. The Heywards had been worried sick when Pope walked in the door alone, but they could both tell it wouldn't due to push Pope. He clearly wasn’t ready to talk about it. He simply went up to his room, opting out of dinner and curling up in his bed. It smelt like JJ, which didn’t help his dilemma at all. 

“Oh honey,” she says, frown on her lips. She’s piling eggs on his plate, like she is trying to make up for the fact he missed dinner the previous night. “What happened?”

“I kissed him and he ran away,” Pope explains, because he wasn’t going to beat around the bush. This was important and he wanted to make it right. He had spent all night playing the moment over and over again. He wasn’t going to let JJ go this time around. He wasn’t going to let him drift away again. He knows JJ never felt like he was good enough for Pope, but Pope would make sure he knew it. 

“Did you try talking to him?” Pope gives her a look, like she must be an idiot. She simply gives it right back, taking a bite of her own eggs while Pope leaves his untouched on the plate. “Well, did you?” 

“I tried,” Pope explains. 

“Before or after you kissed him?” She clearly knows the answer. Pope can hear it in her voice, but she wants Pope to say it because he’s clearly done something wrong. And yes, he probably should have talked to JJ first, but the other had been glowing in the afternoon sun and that smile was hard not to kiss. Pope misses the days he could just kiss that smile, feel it against his own lips. 

“After,” Pope answers, shifting his gaze to the wall. He feels like a small child getting in trouble for something. He doesn’t miss the knowing smile his mother gives him. 

“Well, I think you should try talking to him before,” she smiles, munching on a piece of toast. The crunch echoes in the quiet room as Pope gives Mama Heyward a confused look. She repeats herself, “Try talking to him first.” There’s a shrug and a knowing look. “And then maybe kiss him. Oh, but only if he’d like to.”

“What, Mama?” Pope watches his mother in shock and she smiles knowingly. 

“Oh, I expect the boy will be eating dinner with us tonight,” she hums, moving to spread some jam on the other half of toast. “That boy really is such a sweet thing.” Pope doesn’t know what to say, but Mama Heyward doesn’t seem to have any need to continue this conversation as she shoos her son out of the house. “Now go. Stop sitting around. JJ is still injured and you need to check on him anyway.”

Pope doesn’t need to be told twice. He rushes to the car, thankful his father walked to work today and speeds the whole drive to the Chateau, anxiety building the closer he gets. 

He wants to rush into the house, to pull JJ into his arms, but this is the first time he’s been here in years. The last had been a makeshift funeral for his then dead friend as each Pogue poured out a beer for him. It has memories stirring, flashing in his mind of a time before the rift between himself and JJ, before they slide past friendship and into relationship. It was a time with a lot of obvious touching and a lot of buried feelings. 

But the swear from the house pulls him out of his memories, nearly tripping when he falls out of the car, not bothering to close the door as he rushes to the Chateau. He can hear more swearing as he gets closer and doesn’t even bother to knock as he barrels into the room, panting as he looks around. 

JJ is nowhere in sight, but Pope can hear the groans coming from the bedroom and hurries over, eyes widening in shock when he sees JJ on the floor, clutching his ankle in pain. 

Pope’s never moved so quickly in his life. He nearly skids on the floor as he lands in front of JJ, careful as he takes the other’s ankle into his hands. JJ flinches at the touch, but instantly relaxes when he meets Pope’s concerned gaze. 

“I just stepped wrong is all. My brace was hot and I took it off and it fell off the bed,” JJ explains and Pope notices the discard brace lying by the door. 

“How badly does it hurt?” he asks, pressing his fingers into the skin. The other sucks in a breath, but it doesn’t look painful as he watches JJ closely, trying to assess the damage. He doesn’t want JJ to be hurt again. He never wants to see JJ hurt again. 

“It’s not bad. I think it was more shock than anything,” JJ explains, honest. And Pope decides that it is now or never. 

“Look, JJ-”

“No, Pope, I’m-” Pope isn’t going to let JJ finish that statement though. He needs to get this out. He needs the other to know how he feels, how he still feels even after all of this time. 

“Please, JJ, please let me talk,” Pope pleads, watching JJ’s eyes widen before he nods his head, allowing Pope to continue with the promise to not interrupt him. “I messed up, okay? I was scared. I’m still scared if I’m being honest. When I kissed you, I didn’t want to forget, but you broke my heart before. I didn’t want that to happen again, but I can’t go on without you knowing that I still love you, which is fucking stupid. You broke my heart and I still love you, but I can’t seem to help it. I can’t shake you and I honestly don’t want to. I understand if you don’t want anything more. If you don’t love me, I hope we can go back to being friends again. I miss having you in my life.”

Pope doesn’t look at JJ as he speaks, tries to focus on the words, tries to snuff the hope flaring in his chest in case this doesn’t go the way he wants it to go. At the last words he shifts his gaze though, allows himself to look into those ocean eyes and all he sees are emotions swirling. The loudest one seems to be love.

And then JJ is suddenly surging forward, connecting their lips in a searing kiss. The angle is awkward, JJ’s leg wedged between them and Pope’s fingers still wrapped around his ankle. Pope extracts his fingers, lets them fall into JJ’s hair and sighs against his lips, lets his fingers play with those strands of blond hair. 

JJ doesn’t keep their lips connected long though, pulls away so he can look into Pope’s eyes. “I’m sorry I let you go last time. I thought I would hold you back, that I wasn’t good enough for you, but I miss you every fucking day. I don’t want to live without you anymore.”

Pope is pretty sure JJ is going to continue, but he can’t help but lean forward to connect their lips again. It’s a bit slopping, all smiling mouths and happiness seeping through. JJ giggles against his mouth as he pulls himself away again, eyes getting misty as he looks at Pope. “I still fucking love you and I will make sure you know that for the rest of our fucking lives. I’ll make it all up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life putting those pieces back together and making sure you know how much I love you. I’m sorry for being so stupid.”

But Pope doesn’t think it was stupid. The break up hurt more than anything, but it allowed both of them to grow. It allowed them to mature and realize what they really wanted in life, what they deserved in life. Pope was going to make sure JJ understands that he deserved to have Pope, to have love in his life that is both selfish and selfless at the same time, love that is gentle and kind and hard, but worth every second. 

“You deserve to be happy, JJ, you deserve to be loved, deserve a home,” Pope breaths as he connects their lips again, lets himself revel in this moment as he files this away into the good memories that he has shared in this little shack with all of his friends and the love of his life. 

Mama Heyward was right. JJ would be joining them for dinner, hand held firmly in Pope’s under the table. She welcomes both boys with a smile. Pope doesn’t miss the fact that the air mattress isn’t in the living room anymore, pillow added to their bed upstairs. 

**Author's Note:**

> This one got away from me a bit but it’s the last day of Mayward Week and I wanted to do something big. I’ve actually been working on this fic for months and finally got inspired to finish it for day 7. If you follow me on tumblr, this is what I’ve been referring to as my top secret fic. Feel free to find my on tumblr @playitaagain for more Mayward. 
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day ☺️


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